I want to be serious for a moment...

Today I am not going to blog about a recipe, or a parenting lesson complete with humorous links. Rather, I feel the need to talk/vent/discuss the issue of teen suicides and bullying that has been in the news the last few weeks.

I'm not going to list a bunch of videos that celebrities have been making, although many are very powerful. Rather, please click here to watch a bunch of them.

I find it heartbreaking that young people are killing themselves rather than turning to help. That they feel so alone and bullied that they think suicide is the only option. When I started hearing about these stories, my first thought was, "Why didn't they go talk to somebody?"

Reflection on that question led me back to the bullying...and I don't mean the specific act of bullying that occurred immediately before the suicides, but rather the type of bullying that our society is continuing to accept. Bullying isn't always beating somebody up who is weaker, or using words to berate another into feeling inferior.

What do I mean? Something as simple as a news story telling youth that they are inferior. A story saying that the State of California is not allowing gay people to get married. To me, a heterosexual, I see it as a decision...whether right or wrong...as to how that state is going to define marriage. However, if I put myself in the shoes of a confused lesbian teenager...that decision tells me that I am not equal to my neighbor, to my sibling, that I will not have the same happy future as a straight woman.

Now add a layer to that bullying. The same teenager is watching the news story with her mother, who casually states, "I'm glad they outlawed gay marriage in California. I don't agree with that. It's against God." Not only has the mother reenforced the bullying of the decision, she has also closed a door. If that young girl needs to talk to somebody, she can't even talk to her mother. And now she thinks she's going to hell.

Now add another layer - say the same teenager is sitting next to her brother, age 10. He sees the news story and hears his mother also condemn gay people. He hears that they are sinners. He sees by the story that gay people are inferior to him. Fast forward to school - how do you think he will treat an openly gay student if his parents are teaching him that he is better than his fellow student? How will he treat his sister? How will he treat a friend who is bullying a gay student?

You can create these layers of bullying with many examples - and more than just using GLBT victims. I am not writing this blog to tell everybody that they must believe a certain way, or accept all lifestyles as equal. I understand that we all come from different backgrounds. However, using our background as an excuse to bully is inexcusable.

I cannot put myself in the position of the children that killed themselves in the last few weeks. I have never worried about who I should turn to when I have a problem. I have never been bullied into believing that I am inferior to other people because of who I choose to love, or how I choose to live my life. I have never turned on the television to see repeated images and stories reinforcing that I am inferior to those around me. I was raised comfortable in my own skin. I was raised to know that everybody has a right to the same things that I have a right to - education, love, jobs, children, marriage.

Which leads me to a major shout out to my mother. When I was in college, one of my good friends confided in me that he was gay. He came from a very religious home, and was scared to tell his parents. He told me that he was terrified that his family would disown him. He was worried about how he would pay for his college education if his parents cut him off...but he couldn't keep it a secret any longer. I was overwhelmed with his story, and wasn't sure what to do. So I called my mother. I cried into the phone - completely unable to understand what he was going through because I knew I had parents who loved me unconditionally. After I finished talking to my mother, she quietly replied, "You tell him that he will always have a home with us if he feels he doesn't have a home with his parents."

I have never been more proud to be my mother's daughter than during that phone call. What a lesson in unconditional love. In that brief statement, my mother taught me that everybody should be loved - everybody should be accepted - to welcome others with open arms - and above all else to be kind.

What happened to that friend? It was very hard at first. I sat with him when he called his parents. I remember him picking up the phone a few times and putting it down...hands shaking...unable to dial the number. When he finally told his parents, his voice shaking, they hung up on him. What a message to send your child...

But it got better...

Eventually they did pick up the phone again. They will never agree with how he lives his life, but they did let him know that they love him. I think his relationship with his parents will constantly be a work in progress. I have lost touch with that friend, and I wonder how he is doing and how his parents are doing.

I am glad I was there for him. I am forever proud of my mother for letting him know that he would always have a family behind him, no matter how he lives his life. It was a profound life lesson for me, and one that I carry with me to this day.

Now that I am a mother, I already worry about how I will do at raising my son. I pray that I can teach him to accept others, to stand up for those that need a friend and above all else, to be kind.

That's all I want him to be - to be kind to others.

So the moral of the story today:

Do not manipulate the Bible to justify bullying.

Do not manipulate laws to justify bullying.

Do not teach your children to bully.

It's as simple as that. Think before you speak. Ask yourself if what you say will hurt another person. Be kind - you do not know the story of the person that you're next to, even if that person is your child, or your best friend, or your co-worker, or another student in your class.

Be kind.